Ascendant: Yes, I'd like the mayor's office.
Ascendant: Sure, I'll hold.
Hold Music: - - and young and lovely, The girl from Ipanema goes walking, And when she - -
Ascendant: Hello? Yes, I need to talk to whoever's in charge of superhero mission assignments.
Ascendant: And you are?
Ascendant: Ok, Deputy Lieutenant Mayor Daniels, it's about these missions I've been getting.
Ascendant: Ascendant.
Ascendant: No, with an 'A'. D-A-N-T.
Ascendant: Thank you sir, I try very hard.
Ascendant: So, about these missions. I seem to have an awful lot of them that involve going into the sewers.
Ascendant: Right.
Ascendant: No, like more than half of them.
Ascendant: I'm just wondering if I can get some mission that doesn't involve me hip-deep in untreated sewage and covered in zombie vomit.
Ascendant: Believe me, sir, it's untreated.
Ascendant: No, I'm aware that the Paragon City Department of Sanitation works very hard - -
Ascendant: I have no doubt it's a thankless job, sir…
Ascendant: No, I'm not calling to get someone over there fired.
Ascendant: Look, can we forget about the untreated sewage for a second?
Ascendant: All I want is a few missions where I'm not in the sewers.
Ascendant: Well, I mean, evil has to be afoot someplace else, right?
Ascendant: Ok, I'll hold.
Hold Music: - - each day when she walks to the sea, She looks straight ahead not at me - -
Ascendant: Hello? Yes, I was just talking with Deputy Lieutenant Mayor Daniels.
Ascendant: What do you mean you've never heard of him?
Ascendant: Ok, Lieutenant Deputy Mayor Jenkins, I have a problem.
Ascendant: My team and I are always taking missions in the sewers.
Ascendant: Yes, you're right. It's a serious problem.
Ascendant: What? No, we don't!
Ascendant: Why would anyone ASK to be assigned to the sewers?
Ascendant: No, you keep assigning us there.
Ascendant: Well, no, not you personally, at least, I don't think it's you.
Ascendant: I was just hoping there was a mission in, I don't know, a sorority house or something.
Ascendant: No, that's not preposterous.
Ascendant: Ok, well, then, isn't there a chance that there are bad guys hanging out in a well-appointed Italian villa somewhere?
Ascendant: What about Cancun? There's got to be SOME crime in Cancun, right?
Ascendant: Well, could you at least check?
Ascendant: No, missions aren't granted on an equal basis.
Ascendant: No, I know for a fact they aren't.
Ascendant: Because, I spent all last week down in the sewers, and I didn't see Statesman down there once.
Ascendant: Yes, I'm aware he moves very quickly.
Ascendant: Well, Have YOU ever seen him on the news covered in zombie vomit?
Ascendant: No! Don't put me on hold again! Don't - -
Hold Music: - - girl from Ipanema goes walking, And when she passes I smile, but she doesn't see - -
Ascendant: Hello? Who am I speaking with?
Ascendant: Look, Assistant Special Deputy Lieutenant Sanchez, I was telling the other guys - -
Ascendant: Daniels and Jenkins.
Ascendant: Jenkins is the one that transferred me to you.
Ascendant: Why would I make something like that up?
Ascendant: Look, all I want is a mission that's not in the sewers.
Ascendant: Yes, there are.
Ascendant: No, there has to be at least ONE mission that isn't.
Ascendant: Then why does the headline in today's paper read 'Positron Foils Circle Plot at Cheerleader Academy'?
Ascendant: No, there's a big picture of him on the front page surrounded by grateful cheerleaders.
Ascendant: I mean, the guy's like a robot or something. What good are grateful cheerleaders going to do him?
Ascendant: No, I'm pretty sure the Academy wasn't in the sewers.
Ascendant: Who would build a Cheerleader Academy in the sewers?
Ascendant: Ok, no, I hadn't thought of that. Point taken. But who would GO to it?
Ascendant: Why would the Vahzilok enroll at - - - look, never mind. The point is that the Cheerleader Academy is clearly not in the sewers.
Ascendant: Well, fine. So, are we going to get different missions?
Ascendant: Yes, I know it's not an election year.
Ascendant: Yes, you DO have to do what the taxpayers ask, even if it's not an election year.
Ascendant: Yes, you do.
Ascendant: Because You guys are public servants - -
Ascendant: What do you mean you're not familiar with the term?
Ascendant: (click) Hello?
Ascendant: Hello?
Ascendant: Sonofa…

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